I've never been away from home for very long. I went to school at the University of Connecticut, less than 45 minutes from my home with my mother and brother and even closer to my fathers home. I found a lot of comfort in being able to withdraw from my surroundings and spend a good weekend relaxing in a place I feel comfortable. What is it about home that makes it so refreshing?
It's not necessarily my family, although sometimes it was. My mom and I are very close and it's important to me to keep up with her and spend time together. Sometimes we would spend a lot of time together when I came home, and other times I would spend a lot of time alone. Something about being in a room in a house where someone else takes care of you, and loves you.
I am about to embark on a new journey away from home. I am moving to Florida for six months for work. I suppose six months will go by very quickly, but that does not prevent me from being anxious.
When I tell people that the longest and furthest I've been from home is when I spend a month in Kenya on a volunteer trip, they are surprised at my hesitation to leave. I loved Kenya and all the different cities I traveled to and people I met. But I was also very homesick.
If you know me, you know I am not quiet or shy, but often around completely new people I feel unsure, not confident in myself as sometimes I may seem. I did not make any lasting friendships on my trip to Kenya like I had hoped. It took me too long to open up and create real connections with others. I am looking forward to working on this trait when I move to Florida.
I want to be confident, strong and willing to converse with anyone. I vow to be this way. To talk to many people and hopefully make friends quickly. To be more open. To be myself. I think people my age can struggle with "being themselves." Because who really are we? How do you define a 'self'? My experiences and my morals define me, and at 22 I don't have a whole lot of experience to work with. There is a level of self-consciousness that comes with being young and unsure of yourself that can hinder relationships with other people. I want all my relationships to be memorable and meaningful even if I only have six months to make them so.
And after six months has passed and I am moving on to my next assignment I will look back on this and I will feel that I've made progress.
Remember, we all have issues, problems, the same type of needs. Even the most powerful person is looking for acceptance and they may be concerned with their own shortcomings. Don't objectify people based on their role, just pay your full attention to what they say, how they say it, what they are not saying.
ReplyDeleteThe least attention you pay to yourself, the more effective you are at understanding and handling a group. Just like in sports. Play the game, don't spend any time pondering about yourself as a player.